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Stepping back

Today I chose photos to alter, sent them over to my tab, and let it alone for a while.

I had some catching up to do at home, just as it is every single week - let everything go, hurry hurry hurry - rush the Munchkin to school, rush to work, rush to get everything done at work I possibly can, rush to get the Munchkin from afterschool camp, rush home, homework, dinner, play, laugh, get kids to bed, collapse. In those parameters I have a certain harmony, though it is really considered controlled chaos. Then when I reach the weekend I try (really, I do!) to get everything done that must be done because who else will?

Controlled chaos... that's a nice internal description. Most of the time the atoms and cells and ghosts that make up the 'me' everyone sees...well its all churning and moving and drumming around inside this animated, blood-filled creature while all the other animated, blood-filled creatures pass by in a haze of Hello's and How-are-you's and no one is the wiser. It's easy to mimic a regular person with a regular smile and a regular life. Why not? I don't make a lot of waves, I don't make the nightly news. I just start the little undercurrents and I don't mind.

Controlled chaos is a way to see the world when you've seen too much, heard too much, and sometimes you might want to escape into something unreal, despite its harshness or its possibilities in becoming reality. I feel okay with that. I'm okay with the double entendre that is my life.

Now let me step back into that other side and stare into the ugly face that is TOK...and translate his image into one that people will stare at and wonder if I've lost my mind.



February 2014

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