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When days melt into nights, as it has been these last few days -- I crumble.
I have nights where I stare into the blackness and wonder exactly what is next, and all the while dreading the answer. There are so many variables...I feel like that guy on that movie; what movie was that...it was a good one... Oh, yes, the last Men in Black movie where the guy lived in all possible worlds simultaenously. He never knew which world he was in and what THING was going to happen.
How miserable and desirable that must be.

I don't want to know everything and already I know too much about some things. You can NOT un-know something. Once you know, you know. Just like those horror movies that are oftentimes entirely too much like real life: the girl or the kid or the teenage boy sees the man in the bloody mask chop up the uncle or the aunt or the friend or whoever...all gore, right in front of him, or her. And if they live, they will see it forever. Maybe they will stay sane, maybe they will go crazy. Maybe they will teeter on the brink of both until one side tips a bit much with a breeze and there is your Fate's answer.

Once I finally finished my beloved Monster, something unlocked in my head and heart and in me. I felt the burden of those chains called "unfinished" fall away. Then I started noticing that I had re-developed an interest in horror and scary and all those awful things that I tucked away in a little box once I became a mom. It's easy enough to shield little ones from the scary stuff. Now, it's hard for me to stay away from it.

Horror stars are some the kindest and friendliest people on this planet. How exceptionally hilarious, but at the same time, it's gratifying to know that they can scare the hell out of you on the big screen and if you were to bump into them on the street, they'd buy you a cup of coffee and tell you funny stories about how this or that happened.

I've got stars in my eyes. Here's hoping I don't bump into any walls.



February 2014

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